It’s a strange question, but it always seems to pop into my head around the beginning of summer time. Usually in the months of May or June, as I notice most people wearing less and showing more. It’s not that I’m bashful or self conscious….it’s just that I USED to be fat and therefore analyze myself more during this time to see if my careless lifestyle has caught up with me. I guess I’m not as bad as most people…I try to eat relatively healthy, and avoid candy type stuff (ice cream, chocolate, ho-ho’s) but at the same time, I indulge in a bit of everything. Maybe that’s the secret…..everything in moderation, right?

I wouldn’t say I’m in great shape, but I don’t have excess fat hanging everywhere either. The most obvious physical transition that I’ve noticed is losing muscle. It must be all the long hours sitting in the studio. I USED TO HAVE PIPES. Now, my arms have shrunk – ! FUCK THAT SHIT – SEX-ED is planning on hitting up Maui in the next couple months, and I wanna look good on the beach. That means exercise.

SIGNS YOU ARE GETTING FAT (for men and women alike)

-Your lower back looks like the top of a muffin in jeans

-You boobs have gotten bigger (not a bad thing for chicks)

-Your stomach does the earthquake when doing jumping jacks in front of the mirror

-Random People touch your tummy without your permission

-The inside of your thighs have started to rub together when walking (This was a particular nuisance for me during my fat days)

-A creamy moldy substance has begun growing in your rolls (aka Crev-ass)

-You smell like pork

-You now have more than one “chin”

-People make snide comments around you when you order fast food like “are you sure?”

-please add any you may have (it helps if you have fat credibility AKA were once lardy)

I will end this by saying beauty is truly on the inside, and you’re happiness is the most important thing…..so have another piece of pie. 

-ZF

Related posts:

1. BATMAN GOT FAT.
2. SUBSTITUTIONS FOR HAPPINESS?
3. SO HAVE ONE

Tags: i can write this cuz i used to be fat, i eat cuz i'm unhappy and i'm unhappy cuz i eat, i love ice cream be fat, moobs (man boobs), yikes

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